Parental comments at Christmas

We all know kids say the funniest things, they have even made television programs to prove it. Have you ever sat back, however, and listened to the ridiculous things you say in response? Today is officially day one of the Christmas holidays. My daughter broke up at midday on Friday and by 5pm I was beginning to tear my hair out! The afternoon revolved around was an in depth reenactment of the Nativity. I found my phrases so ridiculous I had to post them on Facebook- to which a friend commented I should write a book based around my hilarious remarks.

Following his input I spent the weekend jotting down some of the other things my husband and I have had to say in response to our children's words or actions. I think my friend may be onto something... 

- You are hurting the baby Jesus

- Please do not poo on the dog

- No one wants to see Jesus' bum hole thank you very much

- Hot chocolate does not belong on the ark (apparently Noah wanted to get involved) 

- Yes Jesus came out of Mary's front bottom. 

- (three hours later) Yes I do remember when I said Jesus came out of Mary's front bottom. 

- Yes your sister also came out that way (was seriously getting scared of questions that may follow- is five too young for THE talk!?!?) 

- Don't strangle the baby Jesus.  

- No you can't wrap your sister and leave her under the tree for Santa

- No I will not leave Brussel sprouts for the reindeer so you don't have to eat them. 

- Auntie Amy will not want stinky socks in her pillow case, or your boggies. 

- Please stop trying to climb the Christmas tree. 

- No the ghost of Christmas past will not visit you if you don't share your tooth fairy money with your sister. 

- Please don't draw on daddy

- Please don't draw on mummy

- Why has the dog turned red? 

- Who gave the toddler paint? 

- You are not a duck please get out of the pond. 

- No I am not going to pretend to be king Herard and kill the baby Jesus, that didn't happen in the story and it will give your sister nightmares. 

- No Santa doesn't put a tangerine in your stocking as punishment when you have been a 'little bit naughty' it is meant to be a treat.  

- why is there a manger in your nappy? 

- who drew a willy in the dirt on daddy's car? 

- Santa won't come if you tie your sister up in the fishing net. 


The list goes on! Turns out it's the parents that say the most ridiculous things! I have to wait until Friday until the house is filled with distractions (other relatives to take the pressure off me!) given it is only the start of the holidays, why do I get the feeling our comments are only going to get worse!?