I have written before about my love for the holidays and now the holidays have been and gone. I have got to admit I feel a little thrown in at the deep end, not even a week gone of the new term and I am suffering badly with an ulcerative colitis flare up, have spent this morning having some nasty dental surgery, my toddler has majorly sleep digressed and all the relaxing I have done over the festive season has gone to pot. I feel stressed.
Stress is a funny old thing. On the whole I pride myself on being a very positive person. I make sure I put aside a little time everyday for myself. Once the kids are in bed I will make some jewellery, or watch a film, and ensure I take time out to just chill. However, when a little stress enters our lives it is so easy for it to take over. The things that didn't bother me two weeks ago, are suddenly driving me nuts, the rooms that need redecorating, the manuscript I am dying to finish, where on earth my daughter's homework book vanished to, the little things have become the big things.
I will be the first to admit I was vile over the weekend. I spent much of it apologising to my family for being in such a mood, and the other part of it getting more moody because I was in a mood. I told myself off for worrying about the small things. I reminded myself over and over again to be grateful for what I have, my wonderful HEALTHY HAPPY FAMILY. But it only seemed to make me feel worse.
This morning I worked it all out. I didn't spend the morning beating myself up. I came home from the dentist with a swollen mouth and I whacked on CBeebies for the toddler, threw some biscuits at her and curled up on the sofa. Then I told myself that it's all ok. It's ok to be in a bad mood when all your sleep reserves are depleted. It's fine to feel like crap when your inflammatory bowel disease flares up after so long in remission. It's normal for the little things to bother us when the bigger things are grinding is down. And after a morning of dentistry Hell, put God damn Justin Fletcher on for twenty minutes if it means you don't have to make tiny inanimate objects talk while you can't even feel your own tongue and are drooling like a new born baby. IT IS ALL OK.
There is always pressure on mums to do the best that they can. To be the best parent they can be. It seems Instagram is grafittied with Memes reminding us that life is too short, don't dwell on this, make the most of that. Most days I thrive on those sayings. They help me to pick up my laptop to get one step closer to being the best selling author I want to be. But then sometimes, just sometimes I think it is important to realise you are only human, and you are allowed a shit day every now and then. Yes my shit days may not even come close to other's but I'm still human, and I am allowed to take it personally every once in a while.
I may be feeling delicate this afternoon but the bad mood seems to have evaporated. Once you stop beating yourself up, and allow yourself some time out, then the good things don't seem so far away. 'Mama said there would be days like these' annoying as they may be, accept them for what they are, pick yourself up and carry on.