Snip Snip Snip

So... we reached that stage, the 'what happens next' stage. We both know we don't want any more children, actually, I retract that statement. We both know we won't be having anymore children. I still have the rose tinted dream of filling the house with kids, all happily playing, laughing, loving. Let's be honest, parenthod is not quite like that in reality. To begin with there is pregnancy to battle through, and for me it really is a battle- months of vomit, exhaustion, pain- it is not a pretty sight. Labour, even less pretty. Then comes the years of sleepless nights. Sleep deprivation- also not pretty. Kids themselves are certainly no walk in the park, no, we have made our contribution towards the future generation and we are quitting whilst we are ahead. 

With all the less than attractive versions of his wife that my husband has been faced with in recent years it is a wonder he still appears interested at all. But he is, which means the time has come to make some decisions. What happens next? As a woman in her thirties, in this day in age, it is highly likely that most forms of contraception have been experimented with. I have certainly had a go with most; pills, jabs, coils, but I feel I have also reached the age where I can say 'enough is enough!' I am tired of being prodded and poked by health professionals. Added hormones end up making me feel dodgy and being in a committed, long term relationship allows me to drop the sexual transmitted disease worry. Therefore we rapidly come to the next option, and this one is out of my control. The Snip.

My husband has been very forthcoming in this subject. He claims he is happy to partake in the minor op in the hope we can brush any future worries on this matter aside. Now he says he is happy to, but it's been a while since we agreed to no more children, I am wondering if he is also just as happy to not mention it again. 

I have to say, it's not like I am rushing to be sterilised either. There is something so final about it, what if something happens in the future? What if we change our minds? If we are both so dead set on no more children then why hasn't it happened yet? 

This month has been 'poetry month' in our house. I spent a few weeks putting together a little collection of parenting related poetry and I couldn't not reach out to my husband through one. While I can't say for sure what is going through your head, Dear Husband, I expect it is something like this. I will be here no matter what you decide.  

Snip, Snip, Snip

Snip snip snip
The barber's at my hair,
But I can't help but think about, When they 'snip' down there!

No more babies,
Well, I'm happy with that,              They are bloody expensive,            And have made me put on fat...

But does it have to come to this?      I'll be firing blanks?                         She says I won't notice,                  Even when I wank?

She says she's done her bit,             Years of popping a pill,                    Two pregnancies, labours,            Maybe the case, but still!

Says she won't sleep with me,          Till I get it done,                                 Just a 'lunchtime procedure'        Doesn't sound like fun!

And why the Crown Jewels?      They're my best bit!                           It's like asking her,                             To remove her left tit.

Of course she said she would,             If Cancer came to call,
But that is not the debate here, Nothing's up with my balls!

Nothing may be up again,                   If I'm honest about it,                   Won't get over that in a hurry,      Lying on a table, minus kit...

Will I still feel a man?                       Will it all still work?                          Will I still perform in bed?                Am I really a selfish jerk?

Snip snip snip,                                  The barber's at my hair,                     But I can't help but think about, When they 'snip' down there...


One day I'm sure we will put this debate to bed- either that or having to contend with a few more kids down the line! 


Please check out more of my Poetry and Parodies in my gift book for parents-  Poo Poo Parenting!