Help! The kids are back at school and I am suffering. Whether you are in the ‘Thank God the kids are back’ brigade, or the ‘how is the holiday over already’ brigade, there is no mistaking the first school run back is a nightmare.
Yesterday morning I lounged comfortably on the sofa, pancakes in one hand, pyjamas on. Well, if the kids were still on holiday, then I was too. There was absolutely no point in starting any sort of ‘New Year New You’ bollocks when there was still Christmas cake in the tin. Fire lit by three PM, lavishly soaked with cheese, one million and one calorie lasagne for supper. Life was good.
Then this morning rolled around and it was like someone slapped me with a cold, wet, cod. To begin with my alarm didn’t go off, how am I supposed to function without Moby telling me he loves me and that together we are beautiful? I just don’t want to live in a world like that. Of course I hadn’t realised it hadn’t gone off. My husband got up to tend to the yelling toddler and I was certain I had at least another half hour snoozing, but no, when toddler returned for warm porridgey kisses it was in fact quarter to eight and I had half an hour to not only shower and dress myself but to kick my eldest out of bed and make sure she was dressed and fed too.
I would like to point out this was all occurring WHEN IT WAS STILL DARK. We have passed the shortest day, aren’t mornings meant to be getting lighter by now?
When we finally made it out the door (still darker than I would like I might add) to be met with a blast of ice cold air, I was well and truly convinced that the human world is frigging nuts. Polar bears have the right idea... sleep. It’s easy enough to cope with the school run in the build up to Christmas. You have had since summer (bar a short half term break) to become accustomed to it. The nights drawing in don’t seem so vile when Christmas trees are going up and the promise of mulled wine fills the air. Then you return in January, the coldest, longest, poorest month of the year. The world is grey. The school run knackers you out because of the extra Christmas pounds you are carrying, you can’t afford any retail therapy, and you probably have some form of lurgy aiding to the trauma. Not. On.
Please can I put forward the idea of hibernation to our MPs? It really will tackle most of our problems. To start with the extra ounces will fall off after not eating for a whole month. We skip the cold, avoid the lurgy, allow our bank balance to cool off slightly. Sorted. Let’s all wake up around Valentine’s Day when I can once again eat an entire box of chocolates in one sitting without feeling guilty.
In the meantime, I will wrap up my rant and hope there are other like minded people out there #prohibernation otherwise I’m just not sure I will get through this week’s PTSRSD (Post Traumatic School Run Stress Disorder) alive.